Maurice Saxby mentorship - Day 1

Before

After

 Today I became a butterfly.

 After a seeming eternity of writing, striving, giving up – starting over, taking courses, submitting, getting rejections, giving up and starting over again, at long last I can call myself an author. No longer the under-achieving caterpillar – today I spread my wings and it felt great!

No matter how much self belief you can muster, how many times you tell yourself I write, therefore I’m a writer – it’s not until you hold that magical first book in your hands that you feel able to say ‘I’m an author’.

(*Disclaimer: To all you struggling writers out there - and that includes you my dear mintees - your cocoon is showing!)

So my first book Ferret on the Loose was launched today at the opening of the Literature Alive festival. It was launched by the Stonnington Mayor Matthew Koce. Not only had he read my book but he’d enjoyed it – waxing lyrical about the adventure, mystery, humour and life lessons.

Me pretending to sign a book while grinning (oh and that's Nipper)

He did mispronounce Gallagher – we have a silent ‘g’ in the middle which certain members of the family are adamant about (I’m one). The other members of my family, the ones who don’t insist on the g, feel irrationally embarrassed by those who do. As I stopped to correct the Mayor, I could see my brother in the audience flush and role his eyes. I don’t care. It was my moment in the sun and hey, my grandmother would’ve been proud! About the g that is, not sure what she’d make of me writing a book for kids about ferrets.

But I digress. I had to say a few words and while I’ve become a little bit more relaxed about public speaking in recent years, I was still pretty nervous. In my mind’s eye, the launch would’ve been to a hall packed with kids. I’d bought a gorgeous ferret puppet to aid ‘my show’ and vaguely contemplated studying up on ventriloquism. I did google ‘tips for stand-up comedians’ but this didn’t prove a very learning experience.

The audience for the launch was actually composed of big wigs from the City of Stonnington, the National Education and Employment Foundation (NEEF) and the Children’s Literature Australia Network (CLAN). I had attracted a handful of friends and family but 2pm on a weekday was not a great time to draw people in – workers at work and Mum’s not left with enough time to get to school pick-up.

So, by this stage, feeling quite jittery, I began – starting with the correction of my name and followed by mucking up the acronym for CLAN – the dear people who awarded me the Maurice Saxby mentorship in the first place. So far so bad! Perhaps I had a premonition that I would stumble in the beginning because I had the (somewhat genius if I do say so myself) idea of keeping my ferret puppet hidden behind a screen. As I blundered, I asked the audience to excuse me a moment, ducked behind the screen and came out with ‘Nipper’ to help with my nerves. After that things went relatively smoothly. I told the story of how I’d come up with the idea for the book – conveniently stemming from an interview I’d done with a ferret-owning girl while working on the Prahran local paper.      

The funny thing was the ferret was named Basil – coincidently the same name as the head of NEEF. I hadn’t realised this until I said it and it caused a little titter. But of course, Basil – the man – had also corrected the mayor on the pronunciation of his name – it’s pronounced Bayzel – whereas the ferret Basil was pronounced the same as the plant. I pointed out the difference and continued.

I read an excerpt from my book which I think went down well, although my voice (to my ears) was several octaves higher than usual. But I guess that’s okay when you’re writing for children.

And then, finally, I got to do that thing where you act like you’re somebody important and sit behind a little table signing books. Strangely, it didn’t feel that weird after all. But I think my signature needs work...
Oh, yes, and Pip was proud! 

Pip returns to Dog School

     I might have mentioned in an earlier post, Pip returned to naughty form with renewed vigour last month and I felt the need for some outside intervention.

     My brother visited from the UK and was appalled when in the space of a couple of hours, Pip bit him twice.

Marley misbehaving in the movie.

  

     Trying to explain to a non-doggie person the difference between a nip of endearment that says ‘Hey, I’m so excited to meet you!’ and a proper bite that says ‘Hmm, I’d like to eat you up!’ is, of course, a big fat waste of time. But after said brother proclaimed I’d got myself a Marley (for those not in the know a VERY bad dog in a very good book and not so good movie (ala Jennifer Aniston) called Marley and Me) and had I considered getting a smaller, less robust dog, I decided it was time to go back to Ruth.

  

Pip gets the 'ahem!' bug

   Pip and I have been lost on a beach somewhere – well, not literally but both busy in our various ways. After three interviews (for the same job), I now have a proper job - yay!! But, poor Pip has been in quarantine with kennel cough.

   

    He was diagnosed last Monday...

Home Alone!

   I have started working – just a couple of days a week – and poor Pip has had to endure being HOME ALONE! 

   He’s actually coping reasonably well. The damage so far:

(1)    Destroyed one stuffed toy – which was his to destroy.

(2)    Ate part of his bed, chewed the foam out of it.

(3)    Chewed into small pieces several polystyrene meat trays which we sometimes serve his dinner on.

   I think we’ve gotten off pretty lightly. Anyway, he is super excited to see me and the kids when we arrive home at around 3.45. Bounces around, jumps on us – yes, muddy paw prints on my work duds – and uses very effective body language to let us know that he’s very glad to see us and can we go for a walk now please, huh, can we? Huh? Pant, pant!

  

Pip's first family holiday :)

     Took Pip for his first family holiday last weekend.

   The house at Skene’s Creek – a tiny town near Apollo Bay – was advertised as ‘pet friendly’. Included in our contract was this lovely list...

DOGGIE DO’S & DON’TS

• All dog droppings must be removed from premises prior to departure.
• Your dog must not under any circumstances be taken inside the premises.
•  A fee of $50 is charged and payable when the balance of your accommodation monies is paid.
• The owner of the dog is liable for any damage caused to the premises or resulting loss suffered by the property owner.
• It is the occupiers responsibility to ensure their dog is suitably restrained within the rear yard of the premises.
• A barking or aggressive dog will not be tolerated under any circumstances and may result in the termination of your booking.
• If there is found to be any infringement relating to any of the above, Great Ocean Road Real Estate has the right to request immediate vacation of the premises without refund.

  

     Nice eh?

    

Pip needs spiflicating!

   Dear Readers,
      You might assume that as I have not been posting as regularly is my want that all has been quiet on the Pip front. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Pip has been keeping us very busy – he has turned into a very naughty boy!

      What happened to my dear lovable pup? 

   One example. D2 and I took Pip for a walk on the beach. Now D2 – being an agile 7 nearly 8-year-old tomboy – likes a bit of mischief herself. On this particular day; she wanted me to ‘spiflicate her’.

   This is something my Mum used to say when she was really fed up with us – ‘If you don’t behave, I’m going to spiflicate you!’ I never really knew what the word spiflicate meant and even back then it was kinda funny – although Mum usually cried this in a pinnacle of rage. Anyway, it’s become a bit of a running gag with me and my kids; when they muck up, I threaten to spiflicate them.

    On one memorable occasion, I threatened to spiflicate D1. We pretended to start karate fighting on the way to school – she made a mock kick, I caught her foot, she fell over and promptly skinned her knee. Although she was in pain, she was also in fits of giggles. ‘Mum, you spiflicated me!’

     So D2 and I began play fighting on the beach BUT Pip decided to join in...

Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, another post from the one and only... D1!

    * D1 has been learning how to write persuasive texts at school. Here is her opinion piece on that subject close to all our hearts - dog poo!  Hotdog Heath

Actually, I’m not that famous (it is mum’s blog) but you should still read this...

It is outrageous that practically no-one bothers picking up their dog’s revolting, sickening doggy dung. Not only does it fill our nostrils with the most horrific smell and our eyes with the most disgusting sight but it also heavily affects our eco-system which is most definitely the most horrid of them all!

Not my foot...

To kick off, whenever this putrid waste comes in contact with any of our senses we turn away in pure disgust. Do you want to have your dog poo making the community appalled and utterly horrified? I hope you don’t because that would be disgraceful. These completely gross things are just one good reason to pick up your dog’s foul slop.

The Greedy Cow

Went to the Cheeky Cow this morning with Pip and the family. We were waiting for our breakie to arrive when a middle-aged guy walked up with a large German Shepherd.

Don't hurt me Pip!

 His dog was scared of Pip. Last week, explained the guy, he’d been attacked by a Labrador and a $300 trip to the vet with stiches followed. Consequently the poor dog has developed an aversion to anything lab-like. 

Give a dog a bone

We’ve been away, the girls and I, and left ‘the boys’ to their own devices. It was the longest we’d ever left Pip on his own and it seems he coped quite well.

Him-In-Doors bought him the biggest bone I’ve ever seen in my life from Tasman Meats.

The remains of Pip's bone alongside his squeaker bone

I felt mildly guilty giving it to him on Monday morning before I set off for Melbourne. I was still inside doing some last-minute packing when I heard him clunking the bone on the deck. It sounded like he was dismantling the deck.

Another guest post from D1

 How to teach your dog to fly

by D1

 

 Tie a giant bone to a light hanging 5 metres above the ground.

1.       Fetch your T.V remote.

2.      Get your dog and put it on a bookshelf 8 metres above the ground. (Make sure your dog is on a lead).

3.     Press fast forward on your remote control.

4.     Unclip your dog’s leash and command “fly”.

5.      Your dog will have flown to the bone and be clinging on to it by its teeth.

6.     Your T.V will be going at top speed.

Introducing The Growler

Went to a Mum’s drinks night last night and met a lady who used to work for one of those doggie training franchises. It was fascinating talking to her because her approach is completely different to the Dog Whisperers.

Growling at your dog is the key to success...who knew?

I’m going to call this woman The Growler (no offence intended) for a good reason.

Another day, another dead thing

       We’d just left the beach this morning and were walking through the car park when Pip picked up one of those disgusting, half-decomposed dead things.

It looked a bit like this...

At first I thought it was a piece of bark. Then I saw the shrivelled up claws. For a moment I thought it might be a frog or a dead bird. But a close examination revealed the ghastly truth. It was a rat!

More naughty tales...

Pip has become a very cheeky pup. Could it be too much frolicking on the beach with that recalcitrant Frankie?  Too much seaweed for breakie?

I mentioned his growing naughtiness to Ruth's sister Kerry. 'Well,' she gave me a side-long glance. 'Have you been practising your commands?' Err.... 

Naughty? Who me?

Took him to the park yesterday and he discovered a new game. He looks at me longingly until I take out a ball and throw it to him. I’m a bit reluctant to get into the whole ball thing with him because he certainly hasn’t managed to fetch!

Is this the future?

Went walking on the beach the other day, when a HUGE dog that bared a very scary resemblance to Pip came barrelling up.  

 

Pip after one too many pizzas?

Tom’s owner said she couldn’t remember the last time he’d moved so quickly. And from the size of him I believed her...

Tails, you lose

Went for Friday walk with GQ and Dougie where she shared yet another doggie story. Again about Peter the poodle. 

Tail docking machine, 19th century. Photo: Science Museum UK. 

The story was prompted by a small black poodle that joined Pip and Dougie for a romp. I commented on the poodle’s cute little pom-pom tail and GQ revealed that it had been docked!

A pig in the making

Pip managed to score two (!) full dinners last night. He tricked us into it.

There is only one letter difference between Pip and Pig...

But first a little backstory. As most of you will know Pip is a Border Collie-Labrador cross, also known as a Borador. When I took him to the vet to get weighted the other day, the vet nurse prescribed Advantage for fleas and something called Milbemax Allwormer for worms. Both products were for dogs in the 10 to 25 kilo range.

Another lone (randy) dog and ahem, more humping...

Went with Frankie and co. to Breamlea beach on the weekend where kids and dogs had a ball playing in the dunes. Breamlea must be one of the few remaining beaches in Australia where stupendously wonderful sand dunes are not fenced off with signs telling you to keep off. 

The dunes at Breamlea Beach

 Subsequently, everyone has a fabulous time doing that old fashioned thing of trudging to the top and then running helter-skelter downhill. It’s also wonderfully exhausting for both kids and dogs.

 We were heading back along the beach however when an unwelcome dog, Max, decided to join our group.

A doggie ghost story!

Went to dinner a few nights ago at GQ’s where a lovely Scottish couple were also in attendance. We’d met the couple on another occasion at GQ’s and instantly hit it off because we all love a great story. And they are full of them!

Do you have a doggie ghost story to share?

 Anyway, it turns out that the Scots have recently bought a house which was previously owned by an old man called Mr Talbot. Now Mr Talbot is no longer of this world but his presence, it seems - remains.

A Lone Dog

Took Pip for a nice long walk on the beach this morning. I’ve been up in Melbourne this week and Him-In-Doors has been crook with tonsillitis so with one thing and another, the poor pup has been a bit neglected.

It was breezy but the sun was out and the beach was a beautiful place to be.  We had just begun our walk when a very robust Staffy bounded down for a play.

Pip underneath Charlie. I think he was enjoying himself!

 Now, to my untrained eye Staffy’s bare a passing resemblance to pitbulls which makes me a tad prejudiced against them...

The great hump

* I have changed the settings on my blog and am now open to all comments. So please let me know what you think :)

Pip is discovering his manliness.

Other dogs discovering their manliness

 He’d had his bits done when we got him so I thought his mojo had been removed but it would seem not. He tried to go a dog on the beach the other day – I dismissed it as a one off. But then we were walking around the lake last night and there was no mistaking it. He found a handsome Kelpie and was on his back before you could say ‘How ‘bout it?’